Originally, I wanted to talk about culture. About magazines and perfection. And how we aren't perfect.
Originally, I wanted to talk about the media. About how we are easily fooled. And how we fool back.
But tonight, I write about something that hurts my heart. Over and over again. About something that moves me - a shaking in my bones - and somehow in the pain, brings every inch inside of me to life.
Tonight, I write about loss, about the addictions and the monsters we hold too dearly to our chests
that leave us silent and alone, and about the very things I barely know how to write about.
Tonight, I write about the names we know and the names we don't. About the famous, but also about the invisible. This is for him.
This is for her.
And for them.
For the millions unheard and unspoken of: this is for you.
I break at the mention of overdose. Addiction or suicide. Depression, self-harm, or eating disorder.
The big screen. High school classrooms. Award ceremonies. Parties and sleepovers and graduations. Cafeterias. Dinners. And Christmas. Arenas. Sold out shows. Bedrooms, kitchens, "home". The elevators and the subways. Noise and crowds.
And the silence.
The left unsaid.
The fear to speak.
I have found myself here, where the people are many and the sounds are too loud, where the spotlight is on and where the attention is on the gold, the victories and successes. I have found myself here. Finding it hard to breathe. Pretending. Unable to be
true and honest. A mess in disguise.
And I think somewhere in here, you can find yourself, too.
Just how can it be that we've become so numb to ourselves,
and to each other,
and to her
and to them?
How have we grown so apart
It's okay to be honest. It's okay to hurt. Because I hurt, too. It's okay to be broken. We're together in that, too. Speak up. Break the silence in the noise. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your voice matters. You deserve to be alive. Your story is important.
telling a story of pain and of hope and redemption, too.
(And this may just have been what I originally intended to write