you know what,
i wish i blogged each time i had something to say.
i know there have been a few things i've wanted to talk to you all about in the past few weeks,
but didn't get to open this page up until now.
this always leaves my posts missing something - ideas, thoughts, or revelations.
nonetheless, i have something to say tonight.
i'll start by saying this:
i miss God.
the truth is:
we talk every day. we smile, we laugh.
he comforts me. he sits beside me. he listens to me.
what is a relationship if you don't really know your lover's heart?
i'm selfish, greedy, needy, forgetful, unaware, and lazy.
all that seems to matter is my heart.
i'm sorry, God.
i never bothered to ask how You were,
what Your heart is going through.
i didn't seem to care about the things You care for,
or the people.
if only i ask, then will i know what breaks You.
only then will i really understand You.
...i suppose this is a small letter to God - of apology.
you see, when it comes to our little (but precious) human hearts,
we'll do a lot to try to understand them, comfort them, question them,
feed into their desires.
and there is nothing wrong with that.
but when our hearts become the center of who we are; when our hearts are all that matter,
something is not right; we've gone off tracks.
we've missed the point.
there is something much greater than ourselves.
i must remind myself of this - every single day.
there is something beyond the "me" and the "you."
i have forgotten about the "we."
if i know Love, i must live like Him.
and care more about the hearts around me than my own.
i must step out of myself, and choose Love over comfort.
i don't believe Love should be comfortable.
it should challenge every part of our being and thoughts.
it should take us to new places, and make us feel things we never felt before.
it should bring us to people we never thought we'd lay eyes on;
it should fight all apathy - and fears.
because in Love, there is no fear.
tonight, i want Love. all over again. from scratch. like i never knew what Love is.
i want to start fresh.
i want to die to myself.
and only come to life through Christ.
God, teach me to see life like You do. teach me to Love like You do.