Saturday, December 25, 2010

a merry christmas.

december 25th.

the day many of us look forward to the most,
and for some, it is the worst day of the year.

i wonder if Jesus knew that his very birth would become...this.

a day of pine trees, wrapped boxes, rushes to the mall, songs of santa's and reindeers, and tacky sweater parties.

let us not forget the eggnog, gingerbread houses, and the turkey.

...i wonder if on that very night, God dreamt of this December 25th.
i wonder...

i'm sitting here, and it is 12:03 am.
so, i guess Christmas is over.

right?

that's it. that's all. it's done.

right...?

on that one night, something happened -
that changed the world.
that changed hearts.
that changed minds.
that changed history.
that changed life;
the beginning of new life.

it was quiet and peaceful.
and yet, the heavens and hells were shaking.

he opened his eyes, and breathed as a baby for the first time.
and in that moment, Love was now a part of us.
it was no longer unknown and unseen;
it now had a face.
Love had come down to be with us.

Emmanuel.

the angels spoke of his arrival.
the stars celebrated.

that night - the night a King was born,
without a home,
already wanted - to be killed,
alive just to die...

that night,
Love was among them.

and Love still is.

so, are you still excited over santa claus and gingerbread houses?

or would you perhaps rather celebrate Love among us,
and with those around us?

perhaps, Love is what will make our hearts joyous
and glad?

and so perhaps, even if today you were to be alone living the worst day of the year,
your joy would be complete - knowing Love came down tonight...

Love.

God with us.
Love with us.
...for God is love.

God is love...

wow.

see, Jesus didn't become like us on that night,
he already was - before creating us.
as you see, he created us in his image;
in the way he was.

but he accepted and chose to take part in our mess,
become human from the beginning,
go through the fears and the temptations,
and no longer be 100% by his Daddy's side.

just so we no longer need to be alone.
just so we finally see what Love looks like.
just so we finally have Love among us.

december 25th. a reminder to us that Love matters.
and that we are not alone.

no.
it's not over.

it's simply a reminder,
of that one night
that changed the world.

"God sent his Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but to save the world." - John 3:17

goodnight,
and a merry christmas to you all,
truly.

with much love,
melody.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

perfect.

what would you say if the entire world was staring into your eyes,
waiting.


i've been waiting to write these words - perhaps a little too long.

i find it difficult to blog. like painting. there's always a perfect picture in the mind, but the result on canvas is not always the way i intend it - and it loses its "perfect" touch.

Hm.

of course.

this is my problem.

i wait for that moment when the words will be perfectly written, when the picture will be perfectly painted, and i wait, and nothing is done. because perfect never comes.

the world seems to call this 'procrastination'.
when we wait, and wait, and wait for the "perfect" timing to do something...
...but it never comes.

never comes...

i guess i want to portray my heart in the most real and honest way possible,
and i'm afraid to be unsuccessful in doing so.

but i hope you enjoy these words.
it's the best i can do.

christmas is 3 days away.
8 days away from the last day of 2010.

i want to look back, but get so overwhelmed when i do so.
there is so much to look at. so much to admire.
so many shifts, so many changes.
the heart has gone through so many questions and answers this year.

i remember the beginning of the year, and where i stood, what was comfort, what felt home.
i remember the prayers, the thoughts, and the wishes.
i remember the tears over what i thought to be true, and over Truth.
i remember the loves, and the self-doubts.
i remember the fears, and the broken hearts.

i remember the joys, and the amazements.
i remember the impossible becoming possible.
and how in love with God that made me.
i remember stepping into the first few doors of what will be my destiny.
and how incredible that felt.

i remember 2010. i felt apart a lot. but it's what opened up my heart,
and it's what allowed Love in.

i can only change if the old dies.
it's been a year of that.

death.

and life.

so, i look back, and am satisfied.
more than satisfied.

a few years from now, i will look back again,
and say: 2010, you've been good.
you were needed.
you were important.
you were the beginning of what is now.
you were, and i am glad.

out of pain - out of all the tears and so-called-misery - comes a song.
comes words that will impact a heart. and that heart will impact another.
and slowly, every earthly heart will have met.
and they will be impacted.

because of pain.
because one cried, and wrote.

if i were to tell something to the world, i would give them my heart.
in words.
to be real and honest is okay,
i would tell them to be in pain is okay,
because it is what leads to the desire of hope -
a hope greater than the stars.

and hope is the very reason we Love.
because we put our full faith in what is unseen,
and believe and know it is true.

so, my friends, as 2010 comes to a close, i tell you this:

be real.
don't be afraid.
be honest, and see.
look for Love, beyond what is seen.

look for it in the homeless, look for it in the messy and uncomfortable,
look for it.

and you will find it.
be amazed.
because it will change your life.

the way it has mine.

goodnight,
and we will meet again on christmas.

- melody.

Monday, December 13, 2010

a human need.

hello dear friends,
it has been a while, hasn't it?

yes, i believe so. and i have missed this...
writing out what my heart looks like - this.

my first half of first year university has come to an end,
and it's been quite the adventure.

i am glad to take this festive time to rest the brain and the creativity.

now that time has become more available,
i am finding myself pondering over every aspect of life.

rest the brain...or so i thought.

the year is coming to a close, and i can't help but look back...
not in regret, but in awe.

all that my heart has gone through, and all that my mind has fought through -
all to lead me here.

and here, in this very moment, is a messy, but beautiful place.

i realize that being human is difficult.
the human heart is demanding, needy, and afraid.
it feels often alone, which leads to a need for affection.
and this cannot always be offered.

...which leaves the heart hanging.

and i have found myself, these past few days, afraid to face my heart for this very reason.
it's like i don't want to look at my heart in the eyes, because i'm afraid of what i will see.

...or of what will look back at me.

i have fought and won over so many fears in the last 4 years.
but i still fear.
i'm still afraid of what i care about the most.
i'm still afraid of losing whom i care about the most.

i'm in awe of how strong God has made me and my heart.
i'm in awe that He has made my weakness my strength.
i look back and see a fainting heart - a heart that labeled itself "Worry",
and had strong ties with "Fear".
i look back and see sleepless nights with tears - many of them - for my heart was calling out.

this was years ago.

and today, i am still being worked on.
i am still human.

i am still needy.
i am still afraid.

but one thing is different.

i know who i am.
i know i am loved.
fully.

i know He's here.
and i will be okay.

and that is enough.
let that be enough.

...tonight my heart remains messy. but it's going through cleaning.
and sometimes, the process is painful.

i am facing my human desires and i am learning how to handle them.

i am learning what it's like to love, and be loved.
i am learning what it's like to need somebody, and be needed in return.
i am learning what it means to desire someone, and be desired back.

all for the first time.

i am learning what it's like to be human, and breathe like one.
to walk in the dark, knowing there is light, where the unknown lies.

i don't know what next year looks like.
i don't know.

actually, i don't know many things.

but what makes this messy journey beautiful is the very fact that i am not alone.
that i have a Lover, a builder, and a comforter by my side - always.
who would do anything for me.
and who guides me, when i am lost.
who fights my fights, when i am weak.

who loves me, when i don't deserve it.

God amazes me.

not only will He love me, but He will bring other humans in my life to love me, too.

and we learn how to be human - together.

so tonight, i leave you my heart, in hope that your heart will find hope, too.
you are loved. please keep in mind. you
are loved.

goodnight,
melody.