Monday, May 10, 2010

welcome to the new decade.


i want to scream.
i want to laugh.
i want to cry.
i want to dance.
i want to sing at the top of my lungs.

i want to type a story as if i knew what i was talking about.
as if the words were flowing right out of me and i knew exactly what i wanted to say.

this is my heart at 10:22 pm on may 10, 2010.

i have such a desire for creativity that i want to burst out of my skin.
i have so much to say that i feel like my soul and mind and spirit are not big enough to contain the ideas and words and pictures and passions.

this feeling comes out of being tired of being tired.

funny how...
...1. such a desire may grow out of being lazy/tired
and 2. that you can be tired from being tired....weird.

i am now 20 (twenty). no more "teen" in my age. and no more '1's in my number.
i was asked a few times, "how does it feel?"
being twenty feels like you're actually alive.
it's weird, i can't really explain it fully. but i can say this: it's like the first 20 years of my life were a test. i passed it. i made it. and now, the real deal begins. i've discovered myself. i know myself (or so i think). now, i must take on the world. with everything that i know, i must go full force and take over.

so, on my 20th birthday, i felt alive.

now, of course, my walk has just begun. i have a whole lot more about myself to learn and a whole lot more to modify. i feel like a whole piece of me has been taken away; like the child-like heart has no more hope within me.
what a lie.

this is just the beginning for opening up my child-like heart.

i have a whole world before me in need of the "child's" faith that i can give.
i have a world in need...of me. of the Jesus inside of me. of the close friendship i have with him.

all this to say, i am excited for the places i will go, for the people i will meet, and for the amazing things in store for me.
God has just been blowing my mind from the day before my birthday. he has so many surprises for his daughter, and all i want to do is dance of joy.

i love you all so, so, so much.
goodnight.
- melody.