Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Oh family, where have you gone?


i feel as though pain has kept me from finding words for this new post.
and this pain has kept me silent for this long...

...isn't that what happens usually with pain...?

how do you write silence?...

this new year is beginning with a lot of heart-twisting's and cleaning-through's.
which during the process may not be the loveliest...
but i acknowledge the fact that it's a needed procedure.

for a while now, i've been wanting to write about family;
i might just throw at you my thoughts and my broken heart, is that okay with you?

we all dream about having a perfect family.
so close. so loving. so comforting.

a family where no secrets are kept; where there is no need to hide.
whether it's with mom, dad, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc...

we all want that. a place we can all run back into - fully loved and fully accepted.

now, sadly, the world is full of pain; it's a fight. between the Lover and the Destroyer.
so, people can fall. people can break. people can be deceived.

i used to think that my family was special and close to perfect. i used to think that all that mattered between us was love. and love alone.
and everything else took no importance at all.
i used to think we'd be okay - forever...

i guess the Destroyer didn't like that.
so he decided to...well,...destroy.

...he likes to take dreams and pretend they are not real.
...he likes to make us believe it's all worthless; it's all pointless.

i'm now here, nineteen years old, in tears...for you...
oh family, where have you gone?

oh love...if only you knew...

we were so close...you'd call and we would tell eachother how much we loved eachother...
...and now, words on a screen are few...

oh love...where are you? where is your heart...?

it's in His tender arms, my love, you're in His arms...but i wish you could see that.
i wish you could see that...
i wish you could see...
i wish you could...
...oh i wish...


i'm afraid. afraid that their hearts (so young and fragile) will soon break in a million little pieces, but will no longer be able to feel.
i'm afraid. afraid that the walls around their wounds will become so high they won't be able to see their own reflection.


i'm afraid...
........................"do not be afraid :) " Love, Your Daddy.........................

oh Daddy...oh God...take them in your arms and never let go...never let go...
whisper in their ears and shout on the mountain by their house how wide, how long, and how deep is your love...and how it's all for them, God...it's all for them! it's all, all, all, all for them...
the nights they felt alone, the days they felt angry, the days they were abandoned, the days they were forgotten, the love they didn't receive, the worth they didn't know, the days they were lied to, the mornings they were deceived, the lies they were told - YOU saw that (allllllllll that) the day you decided to bring an end to the pain; YOU felt it all more deeply than anyone else while being insulted, abused, and nailed -
You know it's finished...
but they don't.

with you, there is healing...and restoration...and joy....and unfailing love.
with you...all things are possible...


our dreams of those perfect families may never happen here on earth;
but please, please, please listen as i tell you:

God has not forgotten about you. and your family.
as broken as it may be, the Lover is all for love. he's all for restoration. he's all for forgiveness...

...redemption is here...don't lose hope. God and you are in this together. as you take care of His family,
He takes care of yours.


and as for me, i will trust you Daddy. i will perservere in the declaration that my family is precious; my family is being taken care of by you. i will keep reminding the Destroyer that he has no place in my circle
and that it is all finished....all...

all...
You've got it all...
...under Your wings...

and family, i love you. i love you. i love you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

trailer for the upcoming post...

...it breaks my heart to think it may never be the same...

i will be writing about family in a few days...stay tuned...


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

it's already january 6th!?


i'm not so inspired tonight to write.
i'm having one of those evenings where i just want to listen to soft music and just dwell in silence.
...in a non-depressive way, ha.

it's more to appreciate silence and peace, y'know?

i do want to say though that God is flipping good - he is faithful and true to his promises.
heavy rain was mind blowingly good. kris vallotton = craaaaaazy good speaker/pastor/man.

one of the things i wanted to do more in 2010 is read.
well...great way to start: "sexual revolution" by kris vallotton; soon done.
annnnnnnnnnd SO good.
read it.

like, now.
it'll not only change your life - but it'll save a lot of it too.

i hope that all of your starts to the new year has been wonderful.
i am currently looking for a job and in the process of writing my very first book.
stay tuned.

God is good. that is all i can say.

goodnight,
melody.