Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas, everyone :)
yay! today we remember the night on which the King of all Kings decided to come on earth, born in a manger. he was born to die. so that i can have life.
i want to wish you all a wonderful and blessed christmas, full of joy and love (because you are all loved!) and good times with family and friends :)
here's a song i love by relient k, "i celebrate the day" from their christmas album Let it Snow Baby, Let it Reindeer.
And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be
And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life
with much love,
Thursday, December 11, 2008
HA! i don't exactly know how i am able to write to you in this moment, considering my hands are shaking and my heart is exploding in amazement and awe and joy and excitement!
ahhhhhh, so much is happening in my heart, in the hearts of those around me, and in the supernatural world!
i am quickly realizing how amazing, powerful, and important the connection to the supernatural world is! it is an essential component to living a christian life!
when you grasp the concept of the supernatural, you are TOTALLY woken up! your eyes are open, and you finally enter into God's world.
this is when you become a total new human being, not living an earthly life, but one of the "above natural", one that totally lacks scientific explanation.
one that is totally engulfed, mouthed, kissed, swimming, covered into/of the SUPERNATURAL.
God is supernatural.
when you accept Jesus into your heart, well guess what? you accept him into you :)
and wanna know something cooler? he's God.
do you see where i'm going with this? ;)
when God's in you, you become SUPERNATURAL.
you become the proof of something BEYOND nature, beyond SCIENCE.
your eyes are open to the world unseen and untouchable. you are entering the unknown, and this is when life truly begins.
hold tight! because the ride will be intense.
the supernatural is a world where the evil, where the devil is trying to trap, to steal, to kill, to destroy. us.
our role? fight! fight! fight! fight the sin, not the people. fight the hate, not the hater. fight the ignorance and injustice, not the ignorant.
God has totally granted us his holy spirit! how freakin' amazing is that!? with his spirit in us, we are so filled with power! power to fight against the devil, to run this race. and share the victory! that has already happened: on the cross. we are just to join in the victory and freedom!
and the simplest and most powerful way to break off the chains of sin and the grip of Satan on your life
is to love.
God is love. and by loving people, you are welcoming him in. and as he enters in, he will totally break the demons away!
and the only way to walk away from hate, is to realize how gross and disgusting it is. how sin ruins, destroys, and makes you dirty. the only way to get rid of sin, is by hating it.
"the first step to freedom and salvation is to be disgusted and grossed out by the sin in our lives."
Oh, God...how you love us. how you love us so so much. SO MUCH!
SO FREAKIN' MUCH!
if you are in the midst of the supernatural, and don't realize it, are you ready to jump in?
and if you haven't experienced His love yet, are you ready to be transformed and totally taken by the love of God?
here's my answer to you: it's totally worth it.
watch this. i recommend it. fully.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
november 28, 2008.
such a freakin' amazing night! i am free. i am pure. i am holy.
freedom. purity. holiness. 3 words that, man! i can't even describe how important they are to me.
and last night, i experienced all 3 . to the full out maximum.
all my life, i felt dirty, disgusting, unworthy of God's holiness, not able to ever find purity in the mind, body, and spirit.
and here i am today, to tell you that i am completely free. and i am PURE! God has made me pure. the blood of Jesus is sufficient for me. to be pure.
and it never runs out. each day is a new day for purity and holiness.
AH! AH! AH! AH! SO FLIPPIN' AMAZING.
God's love, grace, forgiveness is uncomparable!
last night marks the night i made my commitment to God, myself, to my family, to my friends, to my future husband, and my future children to a lifetime purity.
i am to live from this day on in pure mind, pure body, and pure spirit.
because i was meant to live holy and pure. i have it in me. we all do.
so so beautiful. :)
i am holy.
OH! and of course i cannot forget the fact that i now have a new ring: "TRUE LOVE WAITS"
YA-YA-YA-YA! so wonderful!
i love you all, so dearly. whoever reads these blogs, just know that you are so meant to live in freedom, in purity, and in value! you are so valuable. set yourself high standards. don't settle for what the world offers. only settle for the best. :)
Monday, November 24, 2008
So, i'm reading over my notes from encounter weekend, and i'm practically crying.
of pure joy and amazement.
ahhhhhh! that weekend was so amazing. like, honestly, i can't even describe what happened to me, but SOMETHING happened.
and i believe that something was God. encounter God? totally!
it was about going back to the root of who God is. he's a Dad. a perfect one.
a father who loves. loves without stopping. a father who cares, does not judge, who forgives, loves, is compassionate, fun, safe and affectionate. everything we want to see our dad as being.
it was about accepting the wrong, rebellious, disobediant stuff i did. the sin in my life. the ones i was ashamed of, those that haunted me. and it was about what that 'stuff' can do to me.
but that's not the best part of the weekend.
the best part is the redemption part. this whole idea that maybe we're not left stranded on this 'sin island' alone, left to die alone. that maybe there is a way out, there is a rescuer in this whole story. the meaning of redemption is 'setting free by paying a cost'. being 'out of debt'.
someone had to be punished so we can be innocent.
someone had to be rejected so we can be accepted.
someone had to feel depression so we can have joy.
someone had to be put to shame so we can be comforted.
someone had to be stripped from everything so that we can be abundant.
someone had to die so that we can live.
someone paid the price.
Jesus! Jesus was punished, rejected, felt depression, fear, shame, and was stripped and separated from his very own Dad, which he had never been before. just for me. and you.
and if it was just you, he would have done it still.
he did it, so we could be set free!
"it is for freedom, you set us free."
and this is my redemption story. as well as yours.
HOW FREAKING AMAZING IS THAT!? like, THAT'S how much God loves us!
now, this is what hit me:
Jesus, according to scientists and physicians, died not of suffication, but of heart failure.
his heart was so in pain for us, he felt each and every single pain we can possibly endure in just one moment, and this is what caused his heart to let go.
i just find that to be the most beautiful love ever to exist.
and his resurrection is the key to the cage. it's the key to freedom.
it's the key to life.
as he died, our sins and old selves died with him on the cross. as he rose, we rose with him.
we just have to accept him, what he did for us, realize that we are free, and live it!
ahhhh! so amazing!
so, i can't totally put into proper words the beauty and power of the weekend, but i can say this:
redemption is available. freedom is real. it's a matter of accepting and realizing it.
we have a rescuer. he's come. the question is, are we ready to follow and come out of the dark?
throughout friday and saturday, i felt a lot of pressure, i felt like i was put into the center of a massive storm, like i was going through the climax of my life, of my battle...and it all depended on the action i took that would determine the outcome of the climax.
i decided to hold on as tight as possible.
and the storm ended. it's sunday. it's 9am. and i'm free.
i've just been set free from everything. every chain that i still lived with had just been cut off.
like, AHHH! i can't even say how amazing that felt.
literally, the battle had completely stopped. it had been won way long ago, i just didn't realize it.
and so that morning, i encountered God in such a beautiful way. his spirit touched me. i was in total peace.
he shows me the picture of a child. in a white dress. dancing and skipping in a field of flowers. the sky is blue and the sun is shining. now, the ground is dirt, but it contains no rock. it is smooth, pure, clean, and perfect.
"when you let God in, and you see him, that's when you finally see you."
"we no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world." - John 4:42
You are free indeed. and a new creation.
i have been set free, and i am now beautiful, renewed, and totally in love with the best daddy EVER! :)
you're so freakin' loved, people.
ps. i spoke in tongues for the first time on sunday, and it is the coolest thing ever! especially when being right next to emily. haha! she's so incredibly amazing! and so changed! as well as gaby and becky! AH! they're so amazing! i love them.
pps. check out emily's blog. www.sheistryingtochangetheworld.blogspot.com
it's got more stuff on this super encounter weekend ;)
ppps. like the new layout?
pppps. isn't so cool how the last title was 'come and set me free' and i HAVE been set free!?
God's so freakin' cool.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
where does time go....i wonder sometimes. hm, i guess i haven't been writing as much as i should these past few days/weeks because of time. i don't have enough of it, or i just waste it.
time is like a gift. we can choose to open it wisely and carefully, rush through it, or just throw it away. i find myself throwing the gift away too many times.
this time, i'm opening it carefully. HA! or so i think.
my prayer tonight: help me use time wisely. and with pure joy. i want to use every bit of it for You. with You.
so this post will be a little shorter.
1. encounter weekend is next week! SO EXCITED. i'm pretty much ready for the change in me...bring it on!
2. it's november. therefore, it's colder. and christmas is soon! whaaaaa. (favorite season!)
3. when you feel down, don't forget that the stars come out at night. and the sun is always shining, it's just hidden by the clouds. :) (and things always turn out okay)
4. we're making a new youth group! AH! crazy, i know.
5. art class is kinda lame., sadly.
6. downtown hangouts soon, yayay! :) i love the city.
7. i love you.
so, i have to get going. but more to come soon!
Monday, October 27, 2008
talk about FUN, eh?!
after going through different art movements, i am starting to realize that even though each is different, every artist has a same purpose.
it's about achieving something more. it's about proving to the world that we have a mind. that we have creativity. and that with this certain creativity, we can create beauty. and change. and questions. it's about proving not only your mind, but your own existence.
picasso is defined through his art. so is michelangelo. andy warhol. marcel duchamp. sol lewitt. and the list goes on.
their existence is known through their artworks. without it, they probably wouldn't be recognized.
so, has their pieces overtaken the importance of their lives?
hm, i wonder.
really, when you think about it, art can be found anywhere, at any time, in any form.
it is expression. it is freedom of being. it is satisfaction. it is beauty.
we, ourselves are a proof of art. we have been made beautifully. the details of our design are absolutely breath-taking.
so, now, if art can be found everywhere, why the competition? why try to prove our work being better than the rest of the world's? isn't, then, the point of art just a matter of proving ourselves to...ourselves?
we are always aiming to prove something to someone. and most of the time, it is to ourselves.
this is where art can become interesting. it doesn't only have to be a selfish work.
it can involve the rest of the world, if it wanted to. it can impact a life, or two, or three.
it can change lives.
this is where it gets deeper; just a little more intense. this is where it becomes real.
once art reaches a beating heart, a life, a soul, this is when it comes to life.
i choose to make art. that will change the world.
that will come to life.
maybe, you will start to notice how this relates to the work of art we were made to be.
God didn't simply make us so that he can prove his capabilities to himself. he didn't make us for himself.
he made living art. art that comes to life, and reaches that beating heart. that soul.
he made us so that we can live for him. live for eachother. live to impact other lives. live to change the world. live, so that he can express his own emotions through us.
his art movement? it's the movement called "Love".
wanna know more? look up the key artist. :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
finding it, may be tricky. but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
kind of how God's existence is so obvious. not being able to find him, does not mean he does not exist.
tonight, i feel...a few emotions. it's not chaos quite yet, but it's somewhat close to it.
but, to be honest, it's not the 'bad' kind of chaos. it's a good one. (if that even exists...)
what i mean is, if there isn't a mess to clean up, then you wouldn't find reason to clean yourself up, right? well, then messes are good things. :)
and it's time i start cleaning up a bit. or rather, a lot.
see, what's absolutely amazing with God, is that we don't have to clean up the mess. he does that for us.
we just have to go to him, ask him to sweep away every single speck of dust, and make the room (aka. our lives, thoughts, actions, etc) spotless/clean/pure.
trust me, a lot of times, we don't see the mess.
'cause we're too blinded by the dust.
the devil likes that. that we can't see. can't see the truth. reality. beauty.
because being able to see leads to seeing the mess, which then leads you to asking God to clean that up.
...which then, leads you to purity.
clean. clean. clean.
and how beautiful is purity? no one likes to stay dirty for a very long time.
so, as tonight i stand in the midst of chaos/dust/messes beyond messes,
i ask You tonight, that you pick up every single speck;
the wrong thoughts in my mind, the sharp words that have hurt, the "grouchiness" i've been feeling, the stress i've put on myself, the worries, the "annoying-ness" i've been going through lately, the impatience i've been putting on You, and any other mess i've caused,
i ASK you to clean that away. sweep it up!
wash. scrub. erase. delete.
and make me clean, again.
my heart, my mind, my spirit.
"wash me white as snow."
oh, would you look at that!
are those flurries i see outside?
i believe so. :)
God. you're beautiful.
in YOUR timing.
i love you.
ps. a clean heart, is like, the most amazing feeling ever to have.
you should try it out some time.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
to be specific, it is thanksgiving weekend and oh, man! do i have a lot to be thankful about.
first, i just want to say, revival week has been so great! it was such a privilege to be a part of this movement, and actually being one of the leaders. Father, you deserve all the praise for that!
MAN! do you rock.
i am so excited to see where God will lead this...like, actually.
secondly, i just want to take note (for myself, in the near future) that i am falling deeper and deeper in love with my saviour Jesus...argh, he's so beautiful. i'm realizing each day new aspects of his love, and what love is, and just how much he loves me. ARGH! so beautiful.
thirdly, i want to take more notes on the many things in life i am thankful for at this very hour...so God, this is your post-it. i hope you will be satisfied :)
you wake me up each morning, and for that i thank you.
i thank you for life itself. for being alive.
i thank you for my family, for they are loving and supporting.
you have blessed me with such wonderful friends, and for that i thank you.
i thank you for the people you have placed in my life, who have a special role to fullfill within me.
i thank you for the voice you have placed inside of me. for it is all yours.
thank you for this passion. this passion for youth, for justice, for the broken.
thank you for your love. it's everything i need, i want, i could ever desire.
i thank you for your salvation, Jesus. for loving me so much, you chose to take upon yourself my mess and my screw-ups. once again, i thank you.
thank you for the stars, the sunshine, the sky, the birds, the daisies, and the trees.
in them, i seem to see you.
thank you for the pain you've put me through, it has taught me how to trust you, how to live for you, and how to heal.
thank you for weakness, for it makes me stronger.
i thank you for chaos, for it teaches me to have peace in you.
thank you for beauty in nature, for through it, i see bits of you.
thank you for music, because in the notes, your presence can be felt.
i thank you for choosing music as a tool to touch lives.
thank you for jon foreman, bryce avary, jamie t., and renee for being an inspiration in my life.
thank you for hope. thank you, thank you, thank you.
i thank you for forgiveness. gah! what would we be without it?!
thank you for words, because without them, i wouldn't be able to write you this, Dad.
thank you for tears...because they prove honesty.
thank you for broken hearts, for they move us to compassion.
thank you. God. for grace. without it, i would not have been created.
so, dear Dad, i thank you for everything you are doing in me, with me, and through me.
i am your daughter. and you are my father.
as i am yours, and you are mine.
i love you, i. love. you.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Wow, where do i begin? it's october 8, 2008 and God is moving so amazingly much.
ahhhhhhhhh, Jesus, how beautiful you are! it's honestly incredible.
revival week is just currently happening, and really, i'm amazed at how God is so great.
monday was incredible. brett ullman spoke, and really woke hearts up. helped bring back reality to some, reminded others that they are not alone. and all through it, God was in the room.
"thank you soooo much"
"this is doing so much for me! it's perfectly fitting in with my life."
"thank you. thank you for doing this."
thank you GOD!, so so so much. this is so you!
and i am just so grateful that you used us to do this, that you have chosen this group of friends to lead this movement, so important and life changing. this is such a priviledge to take parts in these people's lives, people who need the hope and love. this is what people are longing for. they are longing for attention, for others to care for them. we all love long to be loved. and to love.
i just pray, God, that people, through this week, will come to find you! that people's hearts will turn to you, and that their eyes will be open to the light of your greatness, that people will start to see you in the darkest of places. i pray, that people will come to find true love. your true love.
i pray that these next 2 days, you will move in AMAZING WAYS! i love you dad so so so much!
- in your beautiful son's name, Jesus, amen.
so, i know that i have let a lot of time slip between this post and the last, but i do promise that as i get through this week, i will have lots to report and more time to write :)
i hope you are all having a wonderful week.
remember, that God loves you so incredibly much. and he's awesome!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My eyes are slowly closing. i keep yawning. and as you probably guessed, i'm totally tired.
to be honest, i have no clue as to why. i mean, i try to sleep at least 7 hours...i try.
well...okay, maybe i could try harder, but it's a good number of hours to sleep for a teenager, don't you think!?
psh! i'm totally awake, awake, awake, awake (notice my motivation...)!
...anyways, sometimes i just babble way too much, i wonder how people can stand listening to me.
so here i am again, a week after my previous post. i really don't want to make this a habit, and i will try not to (for anyone who reads my blogs...whoever you are!)
i'm one week and a half away from revival week (can i get a wooh?)! one day away from seeing my grand-parents (it has been maybe 8 months?), 3 days away from seeing bryce avary (aka. the rocket summer!), and i'm a few hours away from going to sleep (yay!).
it's really interesting and fascinating to see how small events in our lives can lead to the greatest adventures of our lifetime. how one small decision changes a life. how one word can be more powerful than a novel.
and how this blog post will be short, yet say so much.
after watching "GO" by invisible children, i realized how life is to be lived.
it's to be lived without fear. it's to be lived with passion. it's to be lived with a purpose. without limits or barriers. it's to be lived in love. in love with people. in love with justice. in love with Love itself. there is only one true way to live this way, and it's through Christ.
there is no other true passion, than the passion of Christ.
no greater love than the love of Christ.
and no bigger purpose than living full-out for Him.
check out invisible children, what they are doing is simply a-mazing. their mission is to help uganda, restore schools and homes to those affected by the war. please do take part in it somehow.
so, as i end this somewhat short post, i want to remind you that you totally have the power to change the lives around you. you want to lead a campaign? DO IT. you want to raise money for a movement you believe in? DO IT. you want to travel the world and give hope to those in need? DO IT. there is no limit to what God can do through you. all you have to do, is ask for him.
and guess what? he'll be right there, saying "it's ABOUT time!"
yes, God. it's about time we wake up. and DO something for That name we say we love so much. something that will change the world.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
however, the air is different. the colors are changing. the routines have de-routed.
it's always a beautiful thing; seasons that is. just the idea that God created a cycle that would make our lives a bit different every four months. it reminds me how God really doesn't like routines. i mean, if he did, he would have made the entire earth "boring" if i may say. same colors, same weather, same adventures all through the years, and all over the world.
i guess God had a different plan for us. an "exciting" one.
he knows that we need changes, sometimes. especially in our sceneries. that's why he created such amazing and breath taking cities and places to go visit.
and seasons also remind me the beauty of life. how it works. and how it doesn't. how it lives. and how it dies. how the rotten fades away, and how the new takes birth.
so, as you see nature transform, remember that God is in control of it all, and if he is in total control of the birds and the sky and the trees and the leaves, there is no way that he is NOT in control of your life.
well, i should get back to shakespeare. juliet is calling me. i better get to it, before this monologue slowly hides away from my memory. (oh, how i wish shakespeare had found his way to pens, then we wouldn't have had to study such complicated language...of course, very few will understand what i mean..)
ps. wake up, you're alive. i'm on your side. and by your side.
pray for REVIVAL '08, i am praying God will revive john fraser...spiritually.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
and how incredible are you. you are here. with me, inside of me, and everywhere that i am. every second of life. you are here. with me. you. the almighty God. creator of the universe. saviour of the world. with. me. a human being worth nothing. still, you choose to be with...me. you chose me. wow...you're just so beautiful. everything about you is not only made of love, but your self is love. pure love. and this is why, God, i say 'i love you more than i can say.'
but these words won't be enough. no matter how hard i try, i will never be able to express the amount of love i have for you. Dad, i don't have a fancy prayer for you, but this is all i have to give. it's me. it's my heart. i give you my heart. and i want you to open it up, and see what's inside. right now, all i want to do is cry out to you. share with you the inside of my mind, my thoughts, my heart and how it aches, my tears. but you know all that. you know my pains. you know my fears, my joys, my dreams and passions. you created them in me. so that one day, i could take all of that 'stuff' and give it up to you. that's when you'd change me and show me your way. and that's when my life would be completely yours. everything you'd tell me, you'd promise me, i would trust you. no matter how hard or painful it may be. i'd do it with all my heart.
and that one day is today.
i want to give my fears up to you. the fears of not being loved, the fear of failing, the fear of loneliness. it's all being thrown to you, Lord. and i hope you are pleased. i really hope this makes you smile, Dad. because my heart is giving it all up to you with joy. i'm trading my sorrows, and saying 'Yes, Lord.'
i want to give you my hopes and dreams. the plans i made for my future. they were never mine, so take them, as well. they belong to you. and man will they be a million times better with you leading! every worry i have for the end of 12th grade, take that! make it yours, God, and lead me with your hopes and dreams for my life. lead me.
and i want to give you my heart. in its current form. with my love for those around me and my pains wrapped around it. inside are my wounds. those wounds i try to keep secret. you'll also find crushes, that i gave up a long time ago. and the one love i have today for the one you've shown me. along with it, is my trust. my trust in you. inside my heart, are the ropes i use to hold on to you. and i want you to take them, as well.
i don't want to hold on to ropes anymore. i want to hold on to your hand.
i want your hand, dad.
this is an important time for me. and my friends. a time when the ground will shake. a time when eyes will open wide. a time when the demons of hell will hear voices, but won't understand them. a time when the chihuahua will be done chasing the lion. a time for the lion to be bold and gain victory. a time when the army of Jesus will rise up and fight against the power of darkness. a time when the light will come out.
this is the time. and we have to be ready.
but am i ready for this? am i ready to give it all up to be with you eternally, to see redemption stand up higher and higher, to heal the sick and broken?
only you know, dad.
it's happening in my life. so, i take this as the sign that i am slowly ready.
and everything else on my mind, Lord, ease it, comfort me, bring peace to my heart and mind, and remind me that everything will be okay.
even the promises i am waiting for you to accomplish in my life. i will wait. i will wait. and i will wait even longer. because i know that your plan for my life (and yours!) is perfect. even its timing.
please, dad, keep reminding me that you are in control, so that i don't lose hope.
hold my hand tight.
hold it tight.
in your son's name, amen.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
actually, a wake-up call. darn, guys! the emotions that i am feeling this very second cannot be put into words; they're too intense to speak of. they are emotions that want to turn into actions. they are screams, cries, turbulances, storms of desires. the desires for changes. for revolutions. for revivals.
school has started. i have three classes: yearbook, drama, and visual arts.
i have my best friends by my side, new faces to get to know better, and a new routine to get used to.
school. school. school. and school. to some of us, our second home. to others, the only decent home. and to most, not so exciting.
i'm at this point where whatever i type, i find myself erasing it all. so, why not just say what's on my mind?
DO SOMETHING. go out there, and CHANGE YOUR SCHOOL. make a difference!
yes, pay attention to your studies, do your best.
but never again will you be surrounded by as many youth as you are in your school, ever in your life. SO TAKE THAT CHANCE. pay more attention to the people around you. the way they dress. the way they walk. the way their eyes scream out 'HELP!' the conversations.
oh! how empty they are. don't outcast yourself from them. TAKE OVER. with words of love and hope. words that matter.
make your school your mission field.
make that decision right now.
or you will never get to it.
you want purpose in your life?
START WITH RIGHT NOW. right now, you are breathing. you are alive.
so, don't waste that away.
don't worry about your life! God's got it all. allllllllllllllll under control!
ALL OF IT!
he's got it all under control!
SO TRUST HIM.
and use your time to SHINE. to LOVE. to CHANGE.
be a HISTORY MAKER.
it's never too late.
nor is it too early.
it's the perfect time.
people are suffering.
you can't ignore it.
so, i say...
make a difference.
change your school.
be brave. stand up for what is RIGHT.
look Pain in the eyes, and tell him to go home!
face Fear, and scare him away!
confront Lies, and scream him the truth!
YOU ARE AS BOLD AS A LION.
don't be afraid!
do not be afraid!
DO NOT FEAR.
for God is on your side, all the way.
and man, how cool is that!?
i challenge you.
as Jesus challenges me everyday.
as he challenged his disciples. and his followers.
go! go and make disciples!
make this year GOD'S YEAR.
allow him to take over you. and watch how he will use you to take over the rest of the world.
NOW that's exciting, don't you think?
as i said to my sister earlier, life is exciting and when it's not, it's cause we're not living for God.
make your revolution.
be prepared for a near revival.
update!: BE READY FOR: revival week '08 at john fraser secondary school!
new project: project redemption! at jfss.
GOT A STORY TO TELL. recoveries? hopes? dreams? share it here!
send it to me : )
Sunday, August 31, 2008
well, i guess i can now say, "Hello, Mississauga!" or rather, hello Canada! altogether.
the sun was good to us for a bit, then the next few days of the week were grey and rainy.
but thank God for vacations. they really pay off.
families are interesting. they can be annoying, a pain, and completely different than you at times, but all in all, they are there for a reason. it's like your family is there to shape you. to help you learn more about yourself. you know what you can't stand, you know what makes you smile, what makes you cry, you learn to grow patience, kindness, and love through them. they are helpful.
i can say, that for myself, i am learning to love my family more and more each day.
sometimes, the closest ones to you are the hardest to love. but through family, new discoveries about you are made daily. it's crazy stuff, but i discover that it is very true.
so, take time, and learn to appreciate family; allow them to teach you about love. i have faith in family.
back from virginia, somehow, though, i feel off track. like, getting away from life's routines is like placing your life on 'pause' and coming back is like pressing 'play' again.
as jimmy eat world sings, "collision is such an ugly sound."
hm, well said.
i mean, a situation alone is just a situation. it isn't alive, it doesn't affect, hurt, move, change, rejoice. it's dead. until it happens. happens to us. and it is the sound it makes, the affects it brings or the emotions we feel that frightens us.
everything on my mind tonight frightens me.
after hours on the road, holding onto God's protection for my life and the lives of my family, i slowly started to feel the routine thoughts i had back home come back to me. i travel with my thoughts. they are what i take everywhere. i can't escape my mind (and often times i wish i could) nor can i escape myself.
but the concept of vacation, almost allows me to leave my thoughts behind and take a break.
and take a break, i did indeed.
here i am, once again. blank canvas. words. change. and a new day to come.
august 31, 2008.
last day of august; for some (or many), last day of summer.
it's a scary thought i guess. just this idea that each day is only 24 hours. they cannot be taken back, and they cannot be re-created.
somehow, each of these situations will one day come alive and it will be up to me to make them happen the way they should be. it will be up to me to give these situations up to God and let him take care of it all. and all i'll have to do is trust him.
i've already given them up. now, all i have to do is trust him.
trust. . .
i can do it. i know i can.
and so can you.
i know it.
because he's doing it with me.
and it's a beautiful journey.
it truly is.
so, another day tomorrow of fun and games, and then it's back to desks and binders.
but this year will be different. a good different.
change will happen. all around. fraser will be changed, i do know so.
and redemption will happen. i believe it.
so, why do i fear? why do i worry?
i guess i'm just human.
the stars are out, my sign that You are here.
it's getting late, i hope that you enjoy these blogs as much as i enjoy writing them.
and don't forget, your story matters, too.
your fears and dreams make you who you are.
i'd like to share them. so send them away!
you're not alone.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
i've just been here and there observing the world from afar.
i'm going to be honest, my mind these days seems to be blanker than ever.
i've been sleeping way too much, and doing way too little.
there is one thing though that i do want to say (or maybe a few things...) :
first off, let me congratulate emily young for her successful sixteen (16) years of life.
here's to sixteen and beyond more. je t'aime, emilie!
but hold tight, love, God's with you and always will be. never fear, he's carrying you.
...yet, again, You remind me.
so, the video-making is in process. thank you, again, to everyone who is taking part in this video and in this movement! it's means so much, and you are making a difference one step at a time. believe it, it's happening.
God, take it all.
alright, well i am off to go pack for the week vacation in virginia under the sun. i am looking forward to see a new scenery for a bit and enjoy the ocean. but i will miss you all! i love you all, really. really.
i will all see you guys when i get back, friday, august 29th.
ps. i heard this line in 'can you feel it' by David Crowder* Band, and liked it a lot, actually.
"Life makes it so hard sometimes to know what's real."
ponder on that for a bit, and comment back your thoughts. :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
intense, don't you think?
it's like, i'm being attacked in my new self, allowing my old self to come back again, but fighting back with the one and only strength i can find: Jesus.
actually, the devil does not care one bit what i become, as long as i fall to the lowest of all levels and stay there. hm, doesn't sound like a plan to me.
...this is where the contradiction comes in. in the midst of all this fighting and confusion, all of this pain and stress, i found some kind of comfort and beauty. it was like, everything stood still for a few seconds and those seconds felt like an entire eternity.
i long to see the Real Him.
and i had forgotten about that. letting myself go...saying goodbye to "me". that's kinda hard, to be honest. i mean, i live with myself 24/7. i've grown to be my own best friend and enemy at the same time. to give myself up is a hard task. but i'm willing to do it all, for God himself.
he deserves it, i mean i owe it all to him, for saving my very own life. for saving me. that same "me" who's not able to give herself up.
to compassion and true love. to serving those in need. to make it all about You, and nothing about me.
i'm in need of you...
i'm easily annoyed.
i'm finding him in the pain, in the brokenness, in the battles.
he's there. waiting for me.
here i am.
...and it is in your arms.
and that is why, You are beautiful.
in the midst of the pain, the confusion, in the middle of the mess and the battle, there you are.
Beautiful, You are. (my God)
- melody :)
Saturday, August 9, 2008
for the second time, this experience of worshipping a graceful and loving God with thousands of people was just amazing. it really makes you feel like you are not the only crazy, different person on this earth. there are many many others who are trying to shine a light in this dark world, so it is a true comfort to realize this once more.
i had the chance to open myself up to new artists (turn off the stars, newworldson, this beautiful republic) and embrace the ones i did know (leeland, newsboys, hawk nelson, delirious? are just a few to name).
it's even deeper than love. it's about saying thank you for everything He's doing, everything He's done, for the breath of life, for love, for hope, and for being able to call Him "friend". it's about the freedom we have to worship in whatever way we feel; cry, sing as loud as we want, dance, raise our hands to the sky, sit, listen, and meditate, or just close our eyes and allow God to move through the music.
and it is a time to be real. a time to give God our broken hearts and surrender everything to Him. it is your chance to throw everything away and start fresh. a chance to stand in front of God and say, "i'm broken. i am lost. and i need you. please, save me!"
He will heal you.
oh, and yesterday, we started shooting the first few people for the intro video and i thank you all for taking part in it! more will be filmed soon, and then the editing will begin!
alright, well i must go for now, i have youth group tonight, and i pray that it will be a good one!
God, move through.
He surely loves you.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
i don't really know what to think of it, actually.
most of what moved it and made it interesting were my thoughts and the thoughts of others.
i spent a lot of time thinking, and a lot of time running to God. yeah, running.
i can say this week, my mind has been going in all different directions. it's been a race, trying to run to the finish line first, but finding myself only to stumble and fall, alone.
we try so many times to be first. we don't want to fail and lose. it's society.
we aim for perfection, but really...what is perfect? last time i checked, only God is purely perfect.
there's nothing wrong in aiming to be like God, or more of the human form of God, who happens to be a man named Jesus. but there is something wrong in our society today: we aim, pretending we succeed. we pretend sometimes that "Why, yes. I am perfect, thanks for asking".
i get caught up with this fake feeling sometimes. i don't want to fail. i don't want to be dissapointed in myself. i'm afraid of disappointment. failure makes me feel worthless.
so, i pretend i got it all under control. i pretend that i am an example of perfection.
but i don't try to prove that to God, no no, i pretend i am society's example. and that's where i am wrong.
i couldn't be any more wrong!
we don't live for society. i don't live for society. i don't need to prove myself to society, or anyone for that matter. i want to live for God, completely.
completely...meaning i don't live for anyone else.
Dear Society, World, People, Whoever,
sorry, but i don't care if i please you or not, i know that as long as i please God, i have nothing to worry about.
so, why aim for perfection? when in God's eyes, you are perfect just the way you are. he made you that way, because he wants you that way. because the way you are, it's beautiful.
your stains and imperfections are washed away. and you are no longer guilty.
ask for forgiveness, and you will be clean again.
ha! funny how i write "you" when really i should be writing "i".
i need to be reminded that i am God's and he is mine. the world doesn't define me.
and yes, i let God down too many times. i fail him. i'm way too far from perfect.
but in his eyes, i'm just who i need to be. His.
so what if i fail? we will fail all the time. we will fall. we will make mistakes. we will feel guilty
and beat ourselves down. being broken is the only way to be put back together. it's the only way to heal.
i had to remind myself last night, that i am loved.
no matter what you do, no matter how many times you fail, fall, mess up, God will still love you 100 percent. his love never changes. no matter what you do.
and don't be afraid to make mistakes (you will make plenty of those), because it's the only way that you can change your ways. show your scars, your wounds, and your failures, so that you can show the world how God heals them, repairs them, makes you a brand new person.
isn't that just so amazing? God is the only who will pick you back up and tell you that you are still perfect in his eyes.
i love Him, so much.
he loves me, even if i fail. even if i let him down. even if i mess up miserably. even if sometimes i'm ashamed to say his name. even if i forget to include him in my life. even if i dissapoint him.
even if, he loves me, he loves me, and he loves me.
even if, he loves you still, he loves you still, he loves you still...
there is so much to be written still, but i think this is a good place to write that...God...i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i dissapoint you, but please make me strong, help me get up again, and please please please help me to love the people around me like you love them.
"Two things you told me: You are strong, and You love me." - Jon Foreman "Your love is strong"
Kingdom Bound 2008, sunday through thursday. so i'll be back with some new ideas and thoughts to write about : )
friday and saturday, august 8-9: the shooting of the Intro Video, "revival week: come alive."
and one last thing, note to self: i miss you, a lot.
- melody :)
Monday, July 28, 2008
talk about productive!
however, yesterday was a better day. it involved church, friends, starbucks, and honest conversations.
...oh the beauty of conversations!
words are really beautiful, ... i mean really.
yes, they can be filthy at times and completely hurtful other times, but when we use our mouths and our voices to create sounds which then evolve to letters, leading to words and sentences and stories and conversations, we find them to be a gift.
language is a gift. the ability to communicate, to express, to make sense; they each came along with the package.
and here i am. writing words. it seems to me like a big bunch of bla-bla. i don't know, maybe i feel that way because they're my own words and they're the same words that keep crossing my mind, so i guess i can call myself a broken record that keeps repeating itself.
or maybe i'm just someone with a lot of stuff going on inside of her, a lot of stuff she wants to share with the world, and that stuff just happens to be words.
so bare with me, and i promise i will make sense soon :)
so back to sunday. i had a very intense and honest and deep and word-full conversation with jaxson, with by my side an Iced Latte Caffe.
i learned so much more about him, and i am glad we talked.
i look up to him, for his honesty and his bravery. he is one amazing guy.
we learn a lot through words and conversations. they are important.
i believe in the power of honesty. i believe in conversations. in talks that mean something.
God created us with a mouth. it is a part of us so we can speak, communicate, encourage.
let us use our mouths not as weapons, but as tools to change the world.
yes, i believe conversations can change a person, which could greatly lead to a world-wide transformation.
Jesus had conversations. his words have led us here today. free and saved and loved.
maybe, tonight you are reading this, hurt by the words of a friend, enraged by the insults of a father or mother, or maybe you have bottled in something you can no longer keep inside...
well, perhaps tonight marks the night you will finally decide to have that honest conversation you've been waiting so long to have.
it's okay, we are all afraid of the unknown; we can't predict the future.
but one thing i know, is that your words matter. your words are important.
so, take care of them. turn your words into beautiful wonders, if they are not already, and wait to see what those words will lead you to.
honest conversations, it's time to have more of those.
i will write more words soon, but that is all for today.
- melody. :)
Thursday, July 24, 2008
also known as rain.
it's been going on for a while now, and i must say, i'm not in love with it anymore. rain is beautiful, but when you wake up each morning to the sound of water, it becomes quite frustrating. but i guess that's what you get when you complain to God that it's too hot or the earth needs more water.
anyways, it's now thursday and i am hoping to join joanna's bible study later tonight...they always seem to be full of surprises (interesting ones, that is).
yesterday was bittersweet.
i was woken up by my mother attempting to unclog the sink in the bathroom. i then went downstairs to find my sister. she told me news about the family back home in switzerland. news that shook me. like a captain on a ship, awaken by sudden crashing waves.
...my boat has been shaken, the waves are starting to hit...and it's time for me to stand strong.
that kind of goes for anyone. when you are living easy and all of a sudden the quiet sky starts to shake up and the storms begin, stand strong.
and when you fall down, it's okay...because there are people around you who will pick you back up. and carry you along the path of what we call "Life".
but then on the other hand of drama, there lied hope. i hung out with a few wonderful people (joanna, amanda, spencer, jaxson, and a few others) and we witnessed a few small miracles, which made the day brighter. there's something about simplicity...
just staring out into the sky reminds you there is something or someone greater out there. we were by the lake, and there was such a beautiful view...
God knows how to make you smile. you just have to be on the lookout.
well, i better get ready for tonight's bible study...so i will write later.
remember, your day can only become brighter if you allow the sunshine to come out...
- melody. :)
ps. soon to come! first redemption story! ahhhh. i'm excited, are you?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
JULY 19, 2008: WARPED TOUR. TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS. SHIRTS. MUSIC. RAIN. FUN. MCDONALD'S. NEW FRIENDS. NEW RELIENT K SHIRT ;) . ALIVE. LOVE HOODIE. RASCAL FLATTS. CARE BEAR. MAN RUNNING IN THE RAIN. [...] ALMOST TRIPPING. "CAN I REPLACE MY SHIRT? IT'S WET." ALMOST-SEEING-ANBERLIN-FROM-THE-STAGE. AN UNWANTED BLUE SPRAY-PAINT TATTOO. CRYING BLOOD. "iPHONES ARE TOO SIMPLE." FOREVER THE SICKEST KIDS ACOUSTIC SHOW.
yeah, that pretty much defines the day.
4 hours straight selling shirts and hoodies and wristbands and dogtags.
by To Write Love On Her Arms, that is. (http://www.twloha.com/)
sorry to all my buds who asked for a shirt, and did not get one. i am terribly sorry.
i hope that the tent will come back, and we will make it the best, and i will get you shirts, i promise :)
and whatever God has in store for my life, it will be the best.
and if there is one person who knows why saturday happened the way it did (or why any other day happens the way it does), it's gotta be God.
and he knows exactly what will happen in the future; what doors will open and which ones will close. so, i trust him. i trust him with all my heart. with my future. with my life.
"Why should i worry, why do i freak out? God knows what i need, he knows what i need."
- Your Love Is Strong, Jon Foreman. (best song ever written in the history of time.)
...and he sure does! he knows me like no one else does. so i will let him take care of me :)
so, yeah...warped tour oh eight really was great! i think it will be seeing more of me next year ;)
hope you all spent a lovely saturday.
- melody :)
ps. check out jonathan spark on myspace, his music is wonderful, i love it.
pps. bryce avary is back in canada september 27! anyone else super stoked!?
ppps. still to come; - the shooting of the 1st campaign video and kingdom bound '08
last pppps ( i promise). thanks michael for the hoodie! :) i love it, too.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
so, last night was a time of good times, good laughs, and 29 cents chicken wings.
can't get better than that! i was surrounded by gaby, emily (it had been too long), amanda, meg, jaxson, and joanna.
they're pretty much like, some of the best people on this planet. or even more.
we had interesting conversations in the restaurant; brokeback mountain, marriage, "opposites attract" being a myth...just typical conversations i guess.
the rest of the night was good too. joanna and i always have in-depth conversations about everything on our minds and hearts. it was good to just talk freely about everything and anything my heart felt like sharing. Revival. Music. Life. Visions. ...Life, again. she's awesome for that. (God...just keep blessing her, she honestly is doing everything for You.)
i came home, just filled with the desire to be with God.
i read a few chapters from the best book ever written. john chapters 15-17.
"Remain in me, and i will remain in you." (john 15:4)
...and so i will remain.
the next day arrives (wednesday), and this is a good day, too.
i bought new shorts! HA!, that's just one of those achievments for me...i'm very proud of that.
but that is not the very reason which made this day a successful one.
it is the fact that renee's book is available for pre-order on thursday.
it is the fact that i had the chance to take part in a q&a with renee, and asked her a few questions.
it is the fact that...well...God is good. :)
"Purpose for the Pain" by Renee Yohe.
her story inspires me so much. and this book will be her personal journals from her years in addiction through her recovery years.
it will be intense. and i'm quite very excited!
so, here was my question and her response...
Q: "renee, first of all, i just wanna say you are truly amazing, and an inspiration.
so, my question is: what do you see yourself doing in the near future, will you continue writing?or will this be the only book? thanks so much!"
A: "well, i have many plans for the future. i dream of infiltrating every aspect of the media with the message of hope and new life!! muahahha!!...seriously. another book may be in the future, but for now my focus is getting this one out there and persuing some speaking gigs. stay tuned!"
i'm all for what She said.
taking over the world...hm, kinda my dream too.
it will happen....it will.
redemption will conquer. redemption will win. redemption has already overcome the world.
"In this world you will have trouble. but take heart! i have overcome the world." (john 16:33)
i found today to be pretty super, i enjoy little events like q&a's with an inspirational figure...they make my days.
- melody :)
ps. coming up!
WARPED TOUR '08 & volunteering at twloha booth!
the rocket summer's fall tour dates! (toronto!? i hope so!)
the shooting of the first campaign video!
stay tuned. :)